Mom knocked at my door around 5 AM on 15th Jan and said 'Go and call our next door Doctor...dad is not feeling well'. I jumped out of the bed and rushed to call a doc. I saw my dad then...alive...twisting and turning in his bed and calling out to his friend "Paresh...do something I'm not feeling well". And when the doc came..my dad apologized to the doc for disturbing his sleep. And, soon after that dad lost consciousness. We rushed to the hospital. Later after 1.5 hours or so...the doctor told me the chances of survival is very low. I didn't know what to do...whom to talk to...I decided not to tell mom coz I knew she won't be able to take it. Around 8:45 AM...we got the news...I didn't know what to do again and felt it was a dream rather a nightmare. But it wasn't. I was too scared to go inside the ICU and have a look at my dad's still and emotionless face. But I somehow gathered the courage and went inside the ICU. I saw mom sitting next to my dad's bed and crying uncontrolably. I still didn't look at my dad's lifeless body. I picked up mom and took her outside. I came back later and gathered courage to look at my father. I saw then...my father...no pipes attached to his body now....people trying to cover his body with a white sheet of cloth. I saw my dad...sleeping and not snoring this time...not uttering a word...I felt as if he will get up and will ask for a cup of tea...or will just get up and start annoying me or will start pulling my leg...but he didn't. He lay still.
I wanted to cry like a baby but people told me to be strong and not to cry. I did not. With each passing day...I buried my feelings and my emotions....buried so deep that I'm finding it difficult to breathe. I don't even want to acknowledge the fact that my father is no more.
I feel he is alive...he is with me...watching and guiding me. But will I ever get those warm hugs from him? Will I ever get to listen to 'Mone pore'? I guess not.
I know you are watching me, dad. I miss you so much.
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