Mom knocked at my door around 5 AM on 15th Jan and said 'Go and call our next door Doctor...dad is not feeling well'. I jumped out of the bed and rushed to call a doc. I saw my dad then...alive...twisting and turning in his bed and calling out to his friend "Paresh...do something I'm not feeling well". And when the doc came..my dad apologized to the doc for disturbing his sleep. And, soon after that dad lost consciousness. We rushed to the hospital. Later after 1.5 hours or so...the doctor told me the chances of survival is very low. I didn't know what to do...whom to talk to...I decided not to tell mom coz I knew she won't be able to take it. Around 8:45 AM...we got the news...I didn't know what to do again and felt it was a dream rather a nightmare. But it wasn't. I was too scared to go inside the ICU and have a look at my dad's still and emotionless face. But I somehow gathered the courage and went inside the ICU. I saw mom sitting next to my dad's bed and crying uncontrolably. I still didn't look at my dad's lifeless body. I picked up mom and took her outside. I came back later and gathered courage to look at my father. I saw then...my father...no pipes attached to his body now....people trying to cover his body with a white sheet of cloth. I saw my dad...sleeping and not snoring this time...not uttering a word...I felt as if he will get up and will ask for a cup of tea...or will just get up and start annoying me or will start pulling my leg...but he didn't. He lay still.
I wanted to cry like a baby but people told me to be strong and not to cry. I did not. With each passing day...I buried my feelings and my emotions....buried so deep that I'm finding it difficult to breathe. I don't even want to acknowledge the fact that my father is no more.
I feel he is alive...he is with me...watching and guiding me. But will I ever get those warm hugs from him? Will I ever get to listen to 'Mone pore'? I guess not.
I know you are watching me, dad. I miss you so much.
Thursday, 4 February 2010
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Find Yourself
A very good friend of mine introduced me to this song - 'Find yourself' by Brad Paisley...OST 'Cars'. Just simply love this song...maybe bcoz I can very well associate with it.
Thanks Appu. :)
When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself
When you make new friends in a brand new town
And you start to think about settlin' down
The things that would have been lost on you
Are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself
Where you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin'
And you wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself
When you meet the one
That you've been waitin' for
And she's everything that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else
And then you find yourself
That’s when you find yourself
When we go through life
So sure of where we're headin'
And we wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself
Thanks Appu. :)
When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself
When you make new friends in a brand new town
And you start to think about settlin' down
The things that would have been lost on you
Are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself
Where you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin'
And you wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself
When you meet the one
That you've been waitin' for
And she's everything that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else
And then you find yourself
That’s when you find yourself
When we go through life
So sure of where we're headin'
And we wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Twist
'Frustrated' will be an understatement of what I am feeling right now. Last 2 months I have experienced every emotion...from anger to love...from restlessness to eagerness...damn! just everything. And, the fact that I'll be spending another 1.5 months doing simply nothing....is just adding to my 'emotional script'.
Its not that I don't like being here...it is just the fact that I am doing nothing. Can u imagine ur life....just simply surfing the net for some random stuff, going out for a walk alone, going for a drive alone, spending the weekends alone etc etc. U can do it for a month but not more than this...it gets to u. What is driving me crazy is that I have no friends here...noone from my age group...no one to talk to. How long one can do that??
Anyways, enough of cribbing. I plan to go to Guwahati again next weekend. Last trip was refreshing.
Wish me luck...and pray for my mental well-being. :P
Its not that I don't like being here...it is just the fact that I am doing nothing. Can u imagine ur life....just simply surfing the net for some random stuff, going out for a walk alone, going for a drive alone, spending the weekends alone etc etc. U can do it for a month but not more than this...it gets to u. What is driving me crazy is that I have no friends here...noone from my age group...no one to talk to. How long one can do that??
Anyways, enough of cribbing. I plan to go to Guwahati again next weekend. Last trip was refreshing.
Wish me luck...and pray for my mental well-being. :P
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